Anthony discusses his path from military service to media personality with a passion for hotel turnarounds. He shares how he lives with gratitude and how he overcame paralyzing stagefright to become one of the industry's most recognizable public speakers. Anthony talks about his view on work-life balance and what’s behind his advice that "slow is fast" and "be kind to yourself."
Anthony discusses his path from military service to media personality with a passion for hotel turnarounds. He shares how he lives with gratitude and how he overcame paralyzing stagefright to become one of the industry's most recognizable public speakers. Anthony talks about his view on work-life balance and what’s behind his advice that "slow is fast" and "be kind to yourself."
Hi, am Rachel Humphrey with d e I advisors. We are a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering personal success in the hospitality industry, and I am delighted to welcome to the show today, one of my all-time favorite hospitality leaders. Anthony Melchiorre, who's the president of Argeo Hospitality. Anthony, welcome to the show.
Anthony Melchiorri:You're one of my favorite people in the hospitality industry.
Rachel Humphrey:I appreciate that we're gonna spend about 30 minutes together today talking about your path to leadership and some of the lessons that you have learned along the way for anyone. And I doubt that there is anyone who is not familiar with you. But if for anyone who is not familiar with Anthony, feel free to check out his bio at d e i advisors.org. But Anthony, one of the things that I love about the hospitality industry, and I know that you do as well, Is that there are so many different paths to leadership that you can take. There's not one unique road that you have to follow to get there. Tell us a little bit about your path and where you ended up today.
Anthony Melchiorri:I was born in Brooklyn and there's just, not to go back to my background, but there's a lot of paths not going in the right way. So I joined the Air Force and in the Air Force I met some of the greatest leaders. I've never met a better leader outside the business, just the best leaders I've ever met. Everyone from a colonel who went on to become general. I worked temporarily for the director of leadership at West Point when he worked with me in Honduras. Chief Lois Miller, who's still one of my dear friends, she was the first chief master sergeant of the Security Police unit in the Air Force. So I had just these tremendous leaders around me. That understood mission and people, and the people were the most important, and the mission was just as important. And if you can tie those two things together, people in mission, then you have a winning success. And mediocrity. There's no place for mediocrity, in the Air Force. There's no place for it. And so I learned that through just watching people. We had fun. They were respectful to me, they took care of me. But when they asked you to do something, you did it. And and you did it at the highest level. So that's where I started to really understand what responsibility was. I talk about it in my book that the first time I ever got a paddle on the back was when I folded my underwear drawer bed, anybody else in my platoon. And it was the first time anybody e ever said I did anything better than anybody else. So it was that kind of leadership of the small things matter, and then the big things take care of themselves. So that's where I would say it started.
Rachel Humphrey:That's fantastic. And then from there, you entered into the hospitality industry first in hotel operations. Tell us a little bit about your start there and some of the progress from there until your media roles.
Anthony Melchiorri:When I went in the military, I was a year older than most people. And so I went to school at night to get my college degree and then I drove up to Overland Park, Kansas from Whiteman Air Force Stations in, in Na Nasta, Missouri to work at the Embassy Suites in Overland Park. And my friend still, Bob Leger, gave me a job. So I worked on the weekends in Overland Park while I was in the Air Force. And then when I got out of the military, I worked at the first embassy Suites in Times Square. And then went on to what my dream job was to work at the Plaza Hotel, and I became a night manager. And then somehow I became this turnaround expert, the Algonquin and the Lucerne. And then when I was at the Plaza, I wasn't in charge, but we were turning around trying to keep it outta bankruptcy and it was just I became, Really mesmerized by broken hotels. I always say, you give me a good hotel and I'll break it for you. You gimme a broken hotel and I'll fix it for you. I just, my mindset just went to, I need things to fix. I don't need things to maintain. And that became my career path really, is just like someone that was in debt or losing a hotel, they would somehow find me and give it to me. And I was blessed to be able to do it. Work with great teams and. Be able to, to turn it around.
Rachel Humphrey:And for those who don't know, that was through the show. Hotel Impossible, I think had 8, 9, 10 seasons. It was a long, it ran for a long time. Yes. Nine, nine
Anthony Melchiorri:seasons. But before Hotel Impossible. That's where I got my start, was turning around hotels in New York where it people start in the que and the, when I was with the team at the Plaza it was, and then developed a hotel in Times Square. And it was, that's where I started to understand. What the fundamentals of the business was, and the fundamentals wasn't policies and procedures and rev share and all that. The fundamentals was, is the housekeeper being treated with respect? Is the front desk being treated with respect? Are we treating each other with respect? If we're doing that, then we can do anything. We can beat everybody at anything. But a lot of times when I take over the hotel, everybody forgot their employee and they were all worried about the mission and the managers, but everybody forgot the employee.
Rachel Humphrey:I've heard you say that we are not in the hospitality business, but what that we're in the business of hospitality is that through those different roles and working with those different teams at those properties, It's
Anthony Melchiorri:about watching people work really hard, going home, raising their family, doing homework, cooking dinner, and coming back at 6:00 AM in the morning into a very strenuous job with a smile on their face. So my job was always to be, I don't care about the owner. I don't care about their, I don't care about anything. I don't even care about myself. They just, the predictive indexes came back and said, apparently I put myself before others. And I dunno if that's always true, but. Like that to me is I became an advocate for the housekeeper. I don't know what it is. I don't know why, but I just feel that they have not got their due. And so I'm the person, whether it be through my show or be through my business. If they're happy, then their hotels eventually gonna be okay.
Rachel Humphrey:That's great. I love to hear that. I always love sharing with our audiences, the reasons that I've invited specific guests to share. And it's always because the guests have impacted my career or my personal life in a way that has been very memorable for me. And I'm actually, I think, gonna share too, in talking about you. But one is shortly after we met I walked into a conference session that you were speaking at and you stopped dead in your tracks on stage when you saw me walk in and you said, how many people in this room have had a handwritten note from Rachel? And I watched a bunch of hands go up and it was the first moment that I realized, That my note writing was part of my personal brand. I had never, I wasn't self-aware enough to even really, quite frankly know what a personal brand was, but also to know that was a way that I was setting myself apart and becoming memorable to the people that I was interacting with. I know that you talk for, Days on end about personal brand, and we don't have that much time today, but talk a little bit about why personal brand is so important, and as you're talking to current and future leaders, why they need to make sure if they don't have a personal brand, that they immediately develop one.
Anthony Melchiorri:You almost made me cry. Thank you for remembering that. And I certainly remember it. I was asked by Cornell to do a class about personal branding, and I went through the class and it was one of the, it was one, they give it away for freedom. It was one of the most popular courses they had. And through that, actually developing that and I obviously had a personal brand for a while, but it really let me understand that most people don't realize they have a personal brand. Matter of fact, we're, I'm on stage and I ask people, how many people have a personal brand if there's a thousand people in the audience? Maybe 10 people raised their hand. Okay. Maybe. And when I always talk about when you're born, like if you have brothers and sisters. I don't even know if you have brothers and sisters. I do. I have one of each. Okay, so everybody in the family, we all fall into our natural positions, so I know which daughter I can ask to do something that's gonna get done. I know which daughter who should go tie shopping with me. I know which daughter who's going to be able to represent the family, really articulate if they get on stage. So you just fall into your personal brand without knowing it. And so I always tell people, start there. Start with how you represent your family. Were you the smartest one? Were you the funniest one? What were you, because that's how you probably represent yourself in your business and anything else you do. So I was always the one that was looking over the fence. I was always the one that everybody told me, the world is gonna crap on you. And there's too many challenges out there. And just stay in your little world. And I was always looking over the fence and I was always looking, there's gotta be more, there's gotta be more. And I ask a lot of questions. I am, everybody knows I tell stories and I ask questions. So I just realized that's where I was. In my family and kind of with my friends, but also I'm very calculated, meaning I'm, people think I'm a risk taker. I'm not a risk taker. I'm a I take calculated risks. Matter of fact, I'm, I don't like taking risks. Unless I understand the numbers and the dynamic of the risk I'm taking. I always say, I'll drive a car 180 miles an. Around the track, but I won't jump out of an airplane because I'm controlling the car. So I think it was my natural instincts of, and then realizing, oh, it's okay to be the person in the room that maybe loses focus because I got three other things I'm thinking about. But when it comes down to it and say, Hey, Who's got the creative idea? I go like this, and I'm usually the one that comes up with it. So I started to say, that's me. I'm the guy that maybe is not gonna be the most focused guy in the room. I'm the guy that may not be the best listener, although I'm getting much better. But I'm the guy that when you say, Hey, we gotta take that hill, we're gonna take it. We're gonna win, and we're gonna figure it out. So that's my brand. My brand is, I will come up with a creative solution to solve a problem, and you have to take my weaknesses with my strengths.
Rachel Humphrey:I love that. That's great advice. And I love the idea or the concept of starting with who you represent in your family. I've never thought about it that way, but what a great place to start, for sure. One thing, if
Anthony Melchiorri:I can ask you a question, were you, that the person you are today, were you that person in high school with your family?
Rachel Humphrey:I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Probably in a lot of ways, definitely the very thoughtful, methodical, workhorse for sure, but maybe some other things in there as well. It's such a different world now today, Anthony, as you and I have talked about when you put in the internet and cell phones and social media and other things, it's hard to think of myself back then because I came from a very small town with very little outside influence. And then you come now and obviously live. In a big city, in a big industry with a lot of external influences. So it's, I'd have to think about relating those two back and forth. I am gonna pivot for a second to public speaking because most people have had a chance, not just through your media efforts, but also the conference speaking and. Other opportunities that you offer through the podcast with no vacancy at all. How did you really get a knack for public speaking? How do you prepare for the different public speaking opportunities? And if somebody said, public speaking is the biggest hurdle I have to overcome to really accelerate my career trajectory, what would you tell them are some of the tricks of the trade? This
Anthony Melchiorri:is what I would tell you. I have paralyzing stage fright. And I don't know if I ever shared that with you. Have I ever shared that with you? You have. Okay. So nor you asked me the question I have when people say that, they laugh at me. They're like, oh yeah, you. I remember I was working at the Algonquin. I was asked by the management company to go out to AR and speak about revenue management. Cause I was one of the general managers in their system that knew revenue management better than most. I remember being in front of these people and as it was my turn to speak, I. Calling my wife. I ran into the hallway and I said, I'm going to leave. I'm freaking out. I can't do this. I'm about to cry. I can't do this. And she said, breathe and whatever you decide, I'll support. You wanna leave. But if you can do it. And I remember sitting there and I just started writing things on index cards and I said, I'm just gonna read from the index cards. And I read from my index cards that I got through it, but. I remember taking this to go back, I remember when I was at Whiteman Air Force Base I was at college at night on base, and I had, I was speaking I was doing a speaking class and I was about to go to do my presentation. And they broke for lunch and I never went back to the class. Never. And I remember the teacher who was also a tech sergeant in the military said to me, Hey, I know you didn't come back to class. Why? And I told him, and he goes, Hey, no worries. I'm not even going to, there'll be no record of it. Just come back and I'll help you through it. And he helped me through it. But I still had paralyzing stage rights. So the first time best Weston hired me and the HOA hired me and all the other people that hired me, I would bring a moderator with me and the moderator. Would have what I would call our script. So I never liked looking at a teleprompter and I don't like having notes to read. So he would ask me a question and once you asked me a question, I can go on for an hour and a half, as, so we set it up and outlined it in questions and he would ask me the question like it was just off the top of his head. And then I did something at for Hilton in Vegas, and that was his last time that he moderated for me for several different reasons. And then I just started to get confidence and I started to realize that there's a confidence monitor in front of me. So if I use the slides that I show you, the audience, I can look at that slide. And that's my confidence monitor because I know that slide will trigger me and I'll be able to go. So it's been, I would say a good 10 years. Of me trusting myself and trusting my systems, but I don't know if I have paralyzing stage fright anymore because I don't really get nervous anymore. But it's because of the systems that I have in place. My slideshow, my assistant knows if my slideshow's not perfect, and I don't know how that slideshow goes to the next slide I can't function. But as long as I have my, my, my slideshow and I understand it, and every single speaking gig I do is different. I've never done one the same. I always go, I speak to the people and it's okay, I usually bother'em 3, 4, 5 times before. I ever fly out. I'm calling them saying, Hey, how about this? How about this? How about this? I just did one for the Air Force for three hours, a development thing out in Arizona two weeks ago, and I drove'em crazy. But when I got on stage, I was the most informed person on the stage. So I would say I. Preparation is what stops me from being nervous. My preparation upward against anybody. I'm not ever gonna can something I'm gonna know every nuance, everything about the stage, everything about the microphone. I'm not gonna hold a microphone. I need a bottle of water. I need a certain seat. I need, so once I get comfortable, I can go. So to me, to answer it in short preparation and being comfortable gets me over my stage fright.
Rachel Humphrey:I love the concept of knowing the content because as you said, once you are the subject matter of what you're expert of, what you're speaking on, you can just run with the confidence in knowing that you know your topic. And that comes through the preparation as well. I love that. I wanna to talk about the second reason that I wanted you to join us. Today, and that's a little bit to talk about relationship building and networking. The first time that we met, we were walking down a street together, and I know you'll remember this in Minneapolis and we only had a couple of blocks to go, but we literally got stopped by every single person in the state of Minnesota wanting to stop and take a picture with you and tell you that they appreciated their show. They they liked watching you and I was really drawn to your ability to make every single one of those people feel like they had known you forever and that every single one of them was valuable to you in that moment. And I'm sure that happens everywhere you go. I've been around you a lot of times. I've seen it many more times than just that first time. Does that tailor well to your personality? Do you think in terms of relationship building and networking, that ability to really connect with people helps drive your success there?
Anthony Melchiorri:I will tell you that it has nothing to do with relationship building. It has nothing to do with networking. It has to do with gratefulness. That somehow, somewhere you know me and somehow, somewhere you know me well enough where you want to say hi. Wow. What? Wait, hold on. I, all of a sudden I got this TV show and I wasn't known one outside of New York, and then all of a sudden United States, the world became a small town and everybody in the small town could be the small town of New York or la or it could be Na, NAS Missouri became my neighbor. And I would never walk past my neighbor. I just took my neighbor's garbage can in, I would never walk past my neighbors. So these are all my neighbors. So I never look at it as what this connection could do for me, although if I know the person has a title and a great company that could, help me. I'll take his number. I'll take her number. Absolutely. But no, it's a it's, and I don't wanna say humbleness because it sounds self-serving, but it's a gratefulness of Wow. You know me, I still don't know. I'm famous. People laugh at me all the time. People laugh at me all the time. It's like you have no clue that people know who you are. I was like, I think the one second. I know, and we're about to launch a new show. The second I know, or the second I walked past somebody. The only time, and I remember it distinctly that I had enough was when somebody. In a Delta sky lounge, which is very atypical cuz nobody bothers you. Was like literally pushing me and so excited and after the first 30 seconds I was cool with it. But after the first 30 seconds I was cool with ever or hugging, whatever, but he wouldn't stop. And I was like, dude, you gotta stop hitting me. That was the only time I was a little bit like, Hey man, it's enough. I don't see it any other way, but just tremendously grateful and appreciative of that person. Taking a moment to say, Hey, your work matters to me. What you did matters the way you take care of housekeepers or your team, or the way you told that guy what he needed to hear. Cuz I, because I will tell you what I feel if I think I'm having ne negative experience and I think people live that through me sometimes. They're like, man, I wish I can say that to my boss. I'm like, you can just make sure you say it in a respectful manner. Yeah, I take that, those moments are almost, spiritual for me. I
Rachel Humphrey:love that. And living a life with gratitude is such an important lesson. That's actually gonna segue perfectly into something I wanna ask you about. Oftentimes the own voice we hear in our head can be very negative or very questioning, and it can be louder than all of the people who support us. And you and I have talked about this a little bit as well of who me? Talk a little bit about strategies that you have and that you can advise others on if they're having a moment of self-doubt or a lack of confidence in taking a step they may wanna take or in a presentation or something else. How do you reverse that narrative in
Anthony Melchiorri:your head? That's a man. You're a really good interviewer. I will tell you I said this to myself a long time ago, and now I talk about it. I appreciate it. We have a 32nd movie in our head that we all run in our head every day, and we talk more to ourselves than we talk to anybody else. And that 32nd video when I was younger was, I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. I got left back twice. I had a bad s a t score. I screw things up. I need small I need personal attention to learn. I just need someone to repeat themselves two or three times and then I get it. And so I had this in my head. I'm stupid. I'm not, I, I need personalized experience because I just can't get it. And then I started having little successes, whether it be folding my underwear drawer in the Air Force than anybody else, or whether it be getting airmen the quarter or Airmen of the year. And I started having these successes and I realized, oh, Everybody screws up and everybody has weaknesses. So now the movie in my head is, I'm creative, I'm a good marketer. I'm pretty quick and I'm flexible and I'm grateful. And if I keep doing that in my head, it'll usually get me through where I feel negative about myself or I feel like I'm not good enough. So I would just ask everyone to just stop. What you're doing and just get that video right in your head. Get those 30 seconds right in your head. If those 30 seconds, start giving gratitude. Those 30 seconds. Say, I'm blessed. I'm grateful. You know what? I am good at this. I'm bad at this, but who cares? I. I'll do my best when those situations arise, but I'm really good at this. One of the things that I had to become good at the 32nd movies, I'm not a good listener, so I've worked so freaking hard on becoming a good listener, and I dig. My podcast has helped me, and I try not to interrupt people. So I just think getting that 32nd movie in your head and living in gratefulness there, that's the secret. If there is a secret,
Rachel Humphrey:That's great advice. Anthony, I wanna turn to something that we're talking a lot about, especially coming out of the pandemic, which is how to manage the demands of a career and a personal life, whether that's family, hobbies, other types of things. I know you've been married. For 30 years, if I remember correctly. I think you have three children. You travel a lot, you have always had a very demanding career From a timing standpoint. How do you think you do at managing the demands of both a career and a personal life? And what are some of the lessons maybe you've learned over the course of that 30 years that have helped shape how you view it today?
Anthony Melchiorri:My work-life balance is my responsibility. Jack Welt said it in his book, work-life balance has nothing to do with the company. It has to do with you. And what I say to people is, if I ask you for a report on Monday and you have all weekend, you're going to be away traveling for sports for your family or whatever you're doing, and Monday comes and I have that report, but then somehow I find out you missed this boarding event for your children. I'm probably gonna be really angry if that report comes and it's late and I find out you went to the sporting events for your children. I will probably be upset if somebody says, Hey Anthony, do you need that report on Monday? Can I have it on Tuesday? Cause I have sporting events on the weekend and I want to make sure it's a good report and I want the time. I would say one in two things. I would say absolutely, please don't miss a day or second your children and the Or I would say, unfortunately it's not a fake deadline. I need this deadline cause the owners are coming in and I need to be prepared. So yes, it's Monday morning and I apologize, but I need to get it done, but don't miss your sporting event. So now it's up to me to do both. And you, Rachel, you've been in that situation many times. Yeah. You've gotta manage that to blame your boss or to blame anyone else. And now the world we live in though, I was just talking about this on the podcast, those bosses that would judge you for spending time with your family, those bosses are gone or they're about to be gone, right? They're no longer viable in, in any industry, whereas 10, 20 years ago, That was what you had. You had people that were just demanding that doesn't exist anymore. And if it does exist, they're on their way out. So now you can have both. So I have both. I don't miss anything. Matter of fact, my daughter once said I missed a St. Patrick's Day parade in our neighborhood where she was like just marching and she still holds an account and she still tells me about it just to break my chops cuz she knows I've been, I've done everything. I'll give you another example that bother that kind of hits me. I won't mention his name. You know him. He's a famous guy and he happens to be a friend of mine and he happens to be on tv. And one day he rented a private plane to go to his son's rehearsal or recital or whatever it was, and he Instagrammed it and he said, Hey, I just rented this plane. I don't wanna miss my kids, whatever he was doing. And I was just like, that's private. That's your job. That's your job. I don't miss anything for my children. I don't miss anything. And I was close to my children's kids friends than any parent in my neighborhood. Not more. I don't miss anything, but I have to figure that out for myself. So when I, when he did that, I was like, you'll never see me post anything like that. It's that's what you're supposed to do. Just like if you pay me a lot of money to get on stage and I bother you. Where it's like, Anthony, this is the fourth meeting we're having. Like I said, I'm a slow learner. I wanna know everything and I'm sorry, but when I get on that stage, I'm representing you and I got a money back guarantee. You don't like my speech. I'm giving you the check back. So I don't wanna give you money back. I wanna make sure I give you what you want. When we did the Air Force thing three weeks ago, thank God my sister drove in and she was there and we did this development thing for all the lodging managers of the Air Force and. I, I knew it so well that I was able to hold the executives accountable for something. And at the end, all of the, all the managers came into me and go, oh my God. Like you were reading our minds. I was reading your minds because it took me four times to get everything I needed to get to do that presentation. So I don't know if that answered your
Rachel Humphrey:questions. Yeah. Absolutely. And I like the idea of being responsible. For making those determinations ourselves. I think that it's a work in progress for me, especially as I have learned over the course of my career how to prioritize things differently. Related to work-life management is a really renewed focus nowadays on self-care and wellness, and both allowing for ourselves to understand how critically important that is to being successful in our careers and in our personal life, but also making sure that the teams around us. Are taking care of themselves. How do you think you've done on taking care of yourself through a demanding career, and what lessons have you learned along the way, maybe in hindsight, or how have you managed your teams when it comes to
Anthony Melchiorri:wellness? Poorly in the beginning. And then the last 15 years when I got really good at it, I was more of an entrepreneur. But now if I'm developing something or I, if I'm building teams I'm very, that's first. It's if you're not healthy and you're not taking care of yourself, nothing else as and I'll share it cuz it's you to your audience. I've been sick the last two weeks I've been in and out of the hospital. Part of that had nothing to do with, and I think a little bit of part of it. Was a little bit of stress because I was, I'm dealing with three or four major balls right now, and so I work out, I eat relatively healthy. I thought I was, for about two months, I probably wasn't. And through this whole process I lost 25 pounds and I was like, I can't afford to lose 25 pounds, but apparently I can because I feel good. So it's a work in progress with all of us. We think we're taking care of ourselves, but the stress of just being on earth and just worrying about our families, worrying about our business, worrying about others, I. Is really imp you know it's part of it. So I worked out this morning, I did my breathing exercise this morning. I ate fruit and eggs and I, it was healthier this morning, but I gotta do that consistently. And so I think it's, listen, if you don't have your healthy, you don't have anything. And I learned that the hard way. Cause I've never been in the hospital outside when I was very small. And recently being in the hospital, I realized nothing's important outside of my health. So that's number one, even before my family. Cause if I don't take care of myself, how am I gonna take care of them? So I think it's gotta be the number I'll tell you real quick thing, I know somebody that won't mention a company that was one of the best people I've ever met in the business. And this person left recently because they were asked to go back to the office and they worked from home very efficiently. And they said, I can work from the office, their home their office three days a week, but I have a couple small children. I'm efficient. I'm more efficient now than I've ever been. Please, I don't want to come back in the office. And they said, you have to. And she left the company. That's some shortsightedness that I just don't understand. I know some other people disagree with me and say everybody should come back to the office. But if some people have a job, like a housekeeper, front desk person, whatever that needs to be in the office, fine. But if you are a revenue manager, you can work from home. You gotta work with people. And if you are a front office manager that wants to work from home, learn revenue management or learn sales or learn something. I'm a work from the office kind of guy. I love showing up. I'd much rather fly. For a cup of coffee than a Zoom. I'll get on a plane for four hours and have a cup of coffee face to face. Then I will do a Zoom. I'm that guy, but I understand people, like different things.
Rachel Humphrey:Yeah. And I'm glad to see that you are feeling much better and appreciate your sharing that story with our listeners. As I expected, cuz you and I could talk for days on end, we're gonna run short on time, but I wanna wrap up with two questions. One of the questions that I love is advice to our younger selves, and it is because I think we're constantly a work in progress and the beauty of reflection is an important part of our personal growth. What would Anthony today tell 21 year old Anthony about how things will play out for you?
Anthony Melchiorri:Slow is fast. I would take a page outta my friend Rachel, who's very methodical, very specific, but moves really fast because she moves really slow. And I lear. I moved really fast and didn't get a lot accomplished early on. If I moved a little slower, I would've moved a lot faster.
Rachel Humphrey:That's such fascinating advice. I wanna share before we go onto a piece of final advice, you and I share an another similar mantra, which is The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Mine is a little bit different than that, is I wake up every day trying to be my best Tomorrow, I hope I wake up again, and then I get to learn from whatever I did today and continue to grow and improve. What does that stem from, that personal desire to continue growing, to be a better person each
Anthony Melchiorri:day because we're Floyd. And we've made a lot of mistakes and I've probably not been nice to people early on in my career and I was probably did a lot of things I shouldn't have done. And I'm a flawed human and if I made a mistake today, I'm gonna try not to make it tomorrow. And in order to move forward, especially as we get older, We've gotta be kinder to ourselves. I, every podcast I end because I was having a very difficult time during the pandemic and even past the pandemic. I was having a very difficult time. And those words of every time I signed off. I said, be kind to yourself. I was really saying it to me. Everybody thinks I'm saying it to them. I'm saying it to me. Every day just now. I said it, I did a prerecord week later and I said, be kind to yourself. I'm really talking to myself. And so we have to be kind to ourselves. And the only thing you can do is like yesterday was yesterday, man, you did the best you could. You did the best you could. And now today you just gotta do better. And you gotta learn from those mistakes. But this perfection doesn't exist. When I get on stage and I talk to people, I always say, I know what the yellow block of cheese looks like. I know what food stamps look like. I know what a struggling mother looks like that's trying to do her best. I know what it's like to hide in the closet because the Con Edison guy's coming. I know those feelings and we can only do our best. So I don't come from, like everything was handed to me and I just come from, and even people that we're handed to, they have to go back and say, okay, I have to now make my own way. So we all have our own struggles. Whether you come from something where you were born on third base or you weren't, we all have our own struggles. And my brother Angela said this to me when we were very little. I'll never forget we lost our dad and we had some struggles and he says, put your worries on the worry tree. And then everybody go and pick off the worries they want. You're gonna pick off the same worries that you have cuz you don't want anybody else's worries. And I thought that was brilliant. So if you try to do better than you, you were yesterday and you live in gratitude. Your problems, you'll accept them and you'll deal with them and you'll and you'll fight through'em.
Rachel Humphrey:What powerful advice, especially is saying that we're all flawed, cuz that is absolutely the case. Anthony, as we wrap up knowing the motto of d e i advisors to empower personal success, what is one final piece of advice that you would offer to our listeners?
Anthony Melchiorri:Ask the question. Ask the question whenever it is. Ask the question people want to answer. Remember before G ps, and you would go and ask somebody directions and they would spend sometimes 10 minutes giving you directions and they'd go in, there's, grandma's house is down the block and she stops giving you lemonade and then she makes a left. And then after that left there's a flag. Oh, you nice I to work at that store with the flag. I used to work there. And then you make a right. And then the gas station I get gas every day and a great coffee in the gas station. They wanna give you directions. People want to help you ask the damn question.
Rachel Humphrey:I love it. I love it so much. Anthony thank you so much on behalf of myself, on behalf of the hospitality industry, so grateful for your leadership, all that you do, all that you have shared with me. Hold up your book real quick so that people can see, wait, let me find
Anthony Melchiorri:it. I, if I can find it.
Rachel Humphrey:There it is, show up by Anthony Malory, and if you liked what you heard today, we hope you'll turn into d e i advisors.org and hear from over a hundred industry leaders who've shared their personal stories and their insights. You can also stream us from your favorite podcast streaming service. But Anthony, thank you so much. Such a pleasure to visit with you. It's
Anthony Melchiorri:a blessing to know you and I, I love you. Thanks
Rachel Humphrey:Anthony.
Hi, am Rachel Humphrey with d e I advisors. We are a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering personal success in the hospitality industry, and I am delighted to welcome to the show today, one of my all-time favorite hospitality leaders. Anthony Melchiore, who's the president of R J O Hospitality. Anthony, welcome to the show. You're one of my favorite people in the hospitality industry. I appreciate that we're gonna spend about 30 minutes together today talking about your path to leadership and some of the lessons that you have learned along the way for anyone. And I doubt that there is anyone who is not familiar with you. But if for anyone who is not familiar with Anthony, feel free to check out his bio at d e i advisors.org. But Anthony, one of the things that I love about the hospitality industry, and I know that you do as well, Is that there are so many different paths to leadership that you can take. There's not one unique road that you have to follow to get there. Tell us a little bit about your path and where you ended up today. I was born in Brooklyn and there's just, not to go back to my background, but there's a lot of paths not going in the right way. So I joined the Air Force and in the Air Force I met some of the greatest leaders. I've never met a better leader outside the business, just the best leaders I've ever met. Everyone from a colonel who went on to become general. I worked temporarily for the director of leadership at West Point when he worked with me in Honduras. Chief Lois Miller, who's still one of my dear friends, she was the first chief master sergeant of the Security Police unit in the Air Force. So I had just these tremendous leaders around me. That understood mission and people, and the people were the most important, and the mission was just as important. And if you can tie those two things together, people in mission, then you have a winning success. And mediocrity. There's no place for mediocrity, in the Air Force. There's no place for it. And so I learned that through just watching people. We had fun. They were respectful to me, they took care of me. But when they asked you to do something, we did it. And and you did it at the highest level. So that's where I started to really understand what responsibility was. I talk about it in my book that the first time I ever got a paddle on the back was when I folded my underwear drawer bed, anybody else in my platoon. And it was the first time anybody e ever said I did anything better than anybody else. So it was that kind of leadership of the small things matter, and then the big things take care of themselves. So that's where I would say it started. That's fantastic. And then from there, you entered into the hospitality industry first in hotel operations. Tell us a little bit about your start there and some of the progress from there until your media roles. When I went in the military, I was a year older than most people. And so I went to school at night to get my college degree and then I drove up to Overland Park, Kansas from Whiteman Air Force Stations in Na Nasta, Missouri to work at the Embassy Suites in Oberland Park. And my friend still, Bob Leger, gave me a job. So I worked on the weekends in Overland Park while I was in the Air Force. And then when I got out of the military, I worked at the first embassy Suites in Times Square. And then went on to what my dream job was to work at the Plaza Hotel, and I became a night manager. And then somehow I became this turnaround expert, the Algonquin and the Lucerne. And then when I was at the Plaza, I wasn't in charge, but we were turning around trying to keep it outta bankruptcy and it was just I became, Really mesmerized by broken hotels. I always say, you give me a good hotel and I'll break it for you. You gimme a broken hotel and I'll fix it for you. I just, my mindset just went to, I need things to fix. I don't need things to maintain. And that became my career path really, is just like someone that was in debt or losing a hotel, they would somehow find me and give it to me. And I was blessed to be able to do it. Work with great teams and. Be able to, to turn it around. And for those who don't know, that was through the show. Hotel Impossible, I think had 8, 9, 10 seasons. It was a long, it ran for a long time. Yes. Nine, nine seasons. But before Hotel Impossible. That's where I got my start, was turning around hotels in New York, whether it be Sereni, Quin, when I was with the team at the Plaza. It was, and then developed a hotel in Times Square. And it was, that's where I started to understand. What the fundamentals of the business was, and the fundamentals wasn't policies and procedures and rev share and all that. The fundamentals was, is the housekeeper being treated with respect? Is the front desk being treated with respect? Are we treating each other with respect? If we're doing that, then we can do anything. We can beat everybody at anything. But a lot of times when I take over the hotel, everybody forgot their employee and they were all worried about the mission and the managers, but everybody forgot the employee. I've heard you say that we are not in the hospitality business, but what that we're in the business of hospitality is that through those different roles and working with those different teams at those properties, It's about watching people work really hard, going home, raising their family, doing homework, cooking dinner, and coming back at 6:00 AM in the morning into a very strenuous job with a smile on their face. So my job was always to be, I don't care about the owner. I don't care about their, I don't care about anything. I don't even care about myself. They just, the predictive indexes came back and said, apparently I put myself before others. And I dunno if that's always true, but. Like that to me is I became an advocate for the housekeeper. I don't know what it is. I don't know why, but I just feel that they have not got their due. And so I'm the person, whether it be through my show or be through my business. If they're happy, then their hotel's eventually gonna be okay. That's great. I love to hear that. I always love sharing with our audiences, the reasons that I've invited specific guests to share. And it's always because the guests have impacted my career or my personal life in a way that has been very memorable for me. And I'm actually, I think, gonna share two in talking about you, but one is shortly after we met. I walked into a conference session that you were speaking at and you stopped dead in your tracks on stage when you saw me walk in and you said, how many people in this room have had a handwritten note from Rachel? And I watched a bunch of hands go up, and it was the first moment that I realized. That my note writing was part of my personal brand. I had never, I wasn't self-aware enough to even really, quite frankly know what a personal brand was, but also to know that was a way that I was setting myself apart and becoming memorable to the people that I was interacting with. I know that you talk for, Days on end about personal brand, and we don't have that much time today, but talk a little bit about why personal brand is so important, and as you're talking to current and future leaders, why they need to make sure if they don't have a personal brand, that they immediately develop one. You almost made me cry. Thank you for remembering that. And I certainly remember it. I was asked by Cornell to do a class about personal branding, and I went through the class and it was one of the, it was one, they gave it away for freedom. It was one of the most popular courses they had. And through that, actually developing that and I obviously had a personal brand for a while, but it really let me understand that most people don't realize they have a personal brand. Matter of fact, we're, I'm on stage and I ask people, how many people have a personal brand if there's a thousand people in the audience? Maybe 10 people raised their hand. Okay. Maybe. And when I always talk about when you're born, like if you have brothers and sisters. I don't even know if you have brothers and sisters. I do. I have one. A beach. Okay, so everybody in the family, we all fall into our natural positions, so I know which daughter I can ask to do something that's gonna get done. I know which daughter who should go tie shopping with me. I know which daughter who's going to be able to represent the family, really articulate if they get on stage. So you just fall into your personal brand without knowing it. And so I always tell people, start there. Start with how you represent your family. Were you the smartest one? Were you the funniest one? What were you, because that's how you probably represent yourself in your business and anything else you do. So I was always the one that was looking over the fence. I was always the one that everybody told me. World is gonna crap on you and there's too many challenges out there and just stay in your little world. And I was always looking over the fence and I was always looking, there's gotta be more, there's gotta be more. And I ask a lot of questions. I am, everybody knows I tell stories and I ask questions. So I just realized that's where I was. I. In my family and kind of with my friends, but also I'm very calculated, meaning I'm, people think I'm a risk taker. I'm not a risk taker. I'm a I take calculated risks. As a matter of fact, I'm, I don't like taking risks. Unless I understand the numbers and the dynamic of the risk I'm taking. I always say, I'll drive a car 180 miles an. Around the track, but I won't drop out of an airplane because I'm controlling the car. So I think it was my natural instincts of, and then realizing, oh, it's okay to be the person in the room that maybe loses focus because I got three other things I'm thinking about. But when it comes down to it and say, Hey, who's got the creative idea? I go like this, and I'm usually the one that comes up with it. So I started to say, that's me. I'm the guy that maybe is not gonna be the most focused guy in the room. I'm the guy that may not be the best listener, although I'm getting much better. But I'm the guy that when you say, Hey, we gotta take that hill, we're gonna take it. We're gonna win, and we're gonna figure it out. So that's my brand. My brand is, I will come up with a creative solution to solve a problem, and you have to take my weaknesses with my strengths. I love that. That's great advice. And I love the idea or the concept of starting with who you represent in your family. I've never thought about it that way, but what a great place to start, for sure. One thing, if I can ask you a question, were you, that the person you are today, were you that person in high school with your family? I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Probably in a lot of ways, definitely the very thoughtful, methodical, workhorse for sure, but maybe some other things in there as well. It's such a different world now today, Anthony, as you and I have talked about when you put in the internet and cell phones and social media and other things, it's hard to think of myself back then because I came from a very small town with very little outside influence. And then you come now and obviously live. In a big city, in a big industry with a lot of external influences. So it's, I'd have to think about relating those two back and forth. I am gonna pivot for a second to public speaking because most people have had a chance, not just through your media efforts, but also the conference speaking and. Other opportunities that you offer through the podcast with no vacancy at all. How did you really get a knack for public speaking? How do you prepare for the different public speaking opportunities? And if somebody said, public speaking is the biggest hurdle I have to overcome to really accelerate my career trajectory, what would you tell them are some of the tricks of the trade? This is what I would tell you. I have paralyzing stage fright. And I don't know if I ever shared that with you. Have I ever shared that with you? You have. Okay. So nor you asked me the question I have when people say that, they laugh at me. They're like, oh yeah, you. I remember I was working at the Algonquin. I was asked by the management company to go out to Argon and speak about revenue management. Cause I was one of the general managers in their system that knew revenue management better than most. I remember being in front of these people and as it was my turn to speak, I. I'm calling my wife. I ran into the hallway and I said, I'm going to leave. I'm freaking out. I can't do this. I'm about to cry. I can't do this. And she said, breathe and whatever you decide, I'll support. You wanna leave. But if you can do it. And I remember sitting there and I just started writing things on index cards and I said, I'm just gonna read from the index cards. And I read from my index cards that I got through it, but. I remember taking this to go back, I remember when I was at Whiteman Air Force Base I was at college at night on base, and I had, I was speaking I was doing a speaking class and I was about to go to do my presentation. And they broke for lunch and I never went back to the class. Never. And I remember the teacher who's also a tech sergeant in the military said to me, Hey, I know you didn't come back to class. Why? And I told him and he goes, Hey, no worries. I'm not even going to, there'll be no record of it. Just come back and I'll help you through it. And he helped me through it. But I still had paralyzing stage rights. So the first time be Weston hired me and a HOA hired me and all the other people that hired me, I would bring a moderator with me and the moderator. Would have what I would call our script. So I never liked looking at a teleprompter and I don't like having notes to read. So he would ask me a question and once you asked me a question, I can go on for an hour and a half, as, so we set it up and outlined it in questions and he would ask me the question like it was just off the top of his head. And then I did something at. For Hilton in Vegas. And that was his last time that he moderated for me for several different reasons. And then I just started to get confidence and I started to realize that there's a confidence monitor in front of me. So if I use the slides that I show you, the audience, I can look at that slide. And that's my confidence monitor. Because I know that slide will trigger me and I'll be able to go. So it's been, I would say a good 10 years. Of me trusting myself and trusting my systems, but I don't know if I have paralyzing stage fright anymore because I don't really get nervous anymore. I. But it's because of the systems that I have in place. My slideshow, my assistant knows if my slideshow's not perfect, and I don't know how that slideshow goes to the next slide I can't function. But as long as I have my, my, my slideshow and I understand it, and every single speaking gig I do is different. I've never done one the same. I always go, I speak to the people and it's okay, I usually bother'em 3, 4, 5 times before. I ever fly out, I'm calling them saying, Hey, how about this? How about this? How about this? I just did one for the Air Force for three hours, a development thing out in Arizona two weeks ago, and I drove'em crazy. But when I got on stage, I was the most informed person on the stage. So I would say preparation is what stops me from being nervous. My preparation upward against anybody. I'm not ever gonna can something I'm gonna know every nuance. Everything about the stage, everything about the microphone. I'm not gonna hold a microphone. I need a bottle of water. I need a certain seat. I need, so once I get comfortable, I can go. So to me, to answer it in short preparation and being comfortable gets me over my stage I love the concept of knowing the content because as you said, once you are the subject matter of what you're expert of, what you're speaking on, you can just run with the confidence in knowing that you know your topic. And that comes through the preparation as well. I love that. I wanna talk about the second reason that I wanted you to join us. Today, and that's a little bit to talk about relationship building and networking. The first time that we met, we were walking down a street together, and I know you'll remember this in Minneapolis and we only had a couple of blocks to go, but we literally got stopped by every single person in the state of Minnesota wanting to stop and take a picture with you and tell you that they appreciated their show. They they liked watching you and I was really drawn to your ability to make every single one of those people feel like they had known you forever and that every single one of them was valuable to you in that moment. And I'm sure that happens everywhere you go. I've been around you a lot of times. I've seen it many more times than just that first time. Does that. Tailor well to your personality, do you think in terms of relationship building and networking? That ability to really connect with people helps drive your success there. I will tell you that it has nothing to do with relationship building. It has nothing to do with networking. It has to do with gratefulness. That somehow, somewhere you know me and somehow, somewhere you know me well enough where you want to say hi. Wow. What? Wait, hold on. I, all of a sudden I got this TV show and I wasn't known outside of New York, and then all of a sudden the United States, the world became a small town and everybody in the small town could be the small town of New York or la or it could be Nono, Missouri became my neighbor, and I would never walk past my neighbor. I just took my neighbor's garbage can in, I would never walk past my neighbors. So these are all my neighbors. So I never look at it as what this connection can do for me, although if I know the person has a title and a great company that could, help me, I'll take his number. I'll take her number. Absolutely. But no, it's a it's, and I don't wanna say humbleness because it sounds self-serving, but it's a gratefulness of Wow. You know me, I still don't know. I'm famous. People laugh at me all the time. People laugh at me all the time. It's like you have no clue that people know who you are. I was like, I think the one second. I know, and we're about to launch a new show. The second I know, or the second I walked past somebody. The only time, and I remember it distinctly that I had enough was when somebody. In a Delta Sky Lounge, which is very atypical cause nobody bothers you. Was like literally pushing me and so excited and after the first 30 seconds I was cool with it. But after the first 30 seconds I was cool with everyone hugging, whatever, but he wouldn't stop. And I was like, dude, you gotta stop hitting me. That was the only time I was a little bit like, Hey man, it's enough. I don't see it any other way, but just tremendously grateful and appreciative of that person. Taking a moment to say, Hey, your work matters to me. What you did matters the way you take care of housekeepers or your team, or the way you told that guy what he needed to hear. Cuz I, because I will tell you what I feel if I think I'm having ne negative experience and I think people live that through me sometimes. They're like, man, I wish I can say that to my boss. You can just make sure you say it in a respectful manner. Yeah, I take that, those moments are almost, spiritual for me. I love that. And living a life with gratitude is such an important lesson. That's actually gonna segue perfectly into something I wanna ask you about. Oftentimes the own voice we hear in our head can be very negative or very questioning, and it can be louder than all of the people who support us. And you and I have talked about this a little bit as well of who me? Talk a little bit about strategies that you have and that you can advise others on if they're having a moment of self-doubt or a lack of confidence in taking a step they may wanna take or in a presentation or something else. How do you reverse that narrative in your head? That's a man. You're a really good interviewer. I will tell you, I said this to myself a long time ago, and now I talk about it. I preach it. We have a 32nd movie in our head, right? That we all run in our head every day, and we talk more to ourselves than we talk to anybody else. And that 32nd video when I was younger was, I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. I got left back twice. I had a bad s a t score. I screw things up. I need small I need personal attention to learn. I just need someone to repeat themselves two or three times and then I get it. And so I had this in my head. I'm stupid. I'm not, I, I need personalized experience because I just can't get it. And then I started having little successes, whether it be folding my underwear drawer in the Air Force than anybody else, or whether it be getting airmen the quarter or Airmen of the year. And I started having these successes and I realized, oh, Everybody screws up and everybody has weaknesses. So now the movie in my head is, I'm creative, I'm a good marketer. I'm pretty quick and I'm flexible and I'm grateful. And if I keep doing that in my head, it'll usually get me through where I feel negative about myself or I feel like I'm not good enough. So I would just ask everyone to just stop. What you're doing and just get that video right in your head. Get those 30 seconds right in your head. If those 30 seconds, start giving gratitude. Those 30 seconds. Say, I'm blessed. I'm grateful. You know what? I am good at this. I'm bad at this, but who cares? I'll do my best when those situations arise, but I'm really good at this. One of the things that I had to become good at the 32nd movies, I'm not a good listener, so I've worked so freaking hard on becoming a good listener, and I dig. My podcast has helped me, and I try not to interrupt people. So I just think getting that 32nd movie in your head and living in gratefulness there, that's the secret. If there is a secret, That's great advice. Anthony, I wanna turn to something that we're talking a lot about, especially coming out of the pandemic, which is how to manage the demands of a career and a personal life, whether that's family, hobbies, other types of things. I know you've been married. For 30 years, if I remember correctly. I think you have three children. You travel a lot, you have always had a very demanding career From a timing standpoint. How do you think you do at managing the demands of both a career and a personal life? And what are some of the lessons maybe you've learned over the course of that 30 years that have helped shape how you view it today? My work life balance is my responsibility. Jack Welt said it in his book, work-life balance has nothing to do with the company. It has to do with you. And what I say to people is, if I asked you for a report on Monday and you have all weekend, you're going to be away traveling for sports for your family or whatever you're doing, and Monday comes and I have that report, but then somehow I find out you missed this boarding even for your children. I'm probably gonna be really angry if that report comes and it's late and I find out you went to the sporting events for your children. I will probably be upset if somebody says, Hey Anthony, do you need that report on Monday? Can I have it on Tuesday? Cause I have sporting events on the weekend and I wanna make sure it's a good report. I, I want the time. I would say one in two things. I would say absolutely, please don't miss a day or second your children and the Or I would say, unfortunately it's not a fake deadline. I need this deadline cause the owners are coming in and I need to be prepared. So yes, it's Monday morning and I apologize, but I need to get it done, but don't miss your sporting event. So now it's up to me to do both. And you, Rachel, you've been in that situation many times. Yeah. You've gotta manage that to blame your boss and to blame anyone else. And now the world we live in though, I was just talking about this on the podcast, those bosses that would judge you for spending time with your family, those bosses are gone or they're about to be gone, right? They're no longer viable in, in any industry, whereas 10, 20 years ago, That was what you had. You had people that were just demanding that doesn't exist anymore. And if it does exist, they're on their way out. So now you can have both. So I have both. I don't miss anything. Matter of fact, my daughter once said I missed a St. Patrick's Day parade in our neighborhood where she was like just marching and she still holds an account and she still tells me about it just to break my chops cuz she knows I've been, I've done everything. I'll give you another example that bother that kind of hits me. I won't mention his name. You know him. He's a famous guy and he happens to be a friend of mine and he happens to be on tv. And one day he rented a private plane to go to his son's rehearsal or recital or whatever it was, and he Instagrammed it and he said, Hey, I just rented this plane. I don't wanna miss my kids, whatever he was doing. And I was just like, that's private. That's your job. That's your job. I don't miss anything for my children. I don't miss anything. And I was close to my children's kids friends than any parent in my neighborhood, if not more. I don't miss anything, but I have to figure that out for myself. So when I, when he did that, I was like, you'll never see me post anything like that. It's that's what you're supposed to do. Just like if you pay me a lot of money to get on stage and I bother you. Where it's like, Anthony, this is the fourth meeting we're having. Like I said, I'm a slow learner. I wanna know everything and I'm sorry, but when I get on that stage, I'm representing you and I got a money back guarantee. You don't like my speech. I'm giving you the check back. So I don't wanna give you money back. I wanna make sure I give you what you want. When we did the Air Force thing three weeks ago, thank God my sister drove in and she was there and we did this development thing for all the lodging managers of the Air Force and. I, I knew it so well that I was able to hold the executives accountable for something. And at the end, all of the, all the managers came into me and go, oh my God. Like you were reading our minds. I was reading your minds because it took me four times to get everything I needed to get to do that presentation. So I don't know if that answered your questions. Yeah. Absolutely. And I like the idea of being responsible. For making those determinations ourselves. I think that it's a work in progress for me, especially as I have learned over the course of my career how to prioritize things differently. Related to work-life management is a really renewed focus nowadays on self-care and wellness. And both allowing for ourselves to understand how critically important that is to being successful in our careers and in our personal life, but also making sure that the teams around us are taking care of themselves. How do you think you've done on taking care of yourself through a demanding career, and what lessons have you learned along the way, maybe in hindsight, or how have you managed your teams when it comes to wellness? Poorly in the beginning. And then the last 15 years when I got really good at it, I was more of an entrepreneur. But now if I'm developing something or I, if I'm building teams I'm very, that's first. It's if you're not healthy and you're not taking care of yourself, nothing else as and I'll share it cuz it's you to your audience. I've been sick the last two weeks I've been in, out of the hospital. Part of that had nothing to do with, and I think a little bit of part of it. Was a little bit of stress because I was, I'm dealing with three or four major balls right now, and so I work out, I eat relatively healthy. I thought I was, for about two months, I probably wasn't. And through this whole process I lost 25 pounds and I was like, I can't afford to lose 25 pounds, but apparently I can because I feel good. So it's a work in progress with all of us. We think we're taking care of ourselves, but the stress of just being on earth and just worrying about our families, worrying about our business, worrying about others, I. Is really imp you know it's part of it. So I worked out this morning, I did my breathing exercise this morning. I ate fruit and eggs and I, it was healthier this morning, but I gotta do that consistently. And so I think it's, listen, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything. And I learned that the hard way. Cause I've never been in the hospital outside when I was very small. And recently being in the hospital, I realized nothing's important outside of my health. So that's number one, even before my family. Cause if I don't take care of myself, how am I gonna take care of them? So I think it's gotta be the number I'll tell you real quick thing, I know somebody that won't mention a company that was one of the best people I've ever met in the business. And this person left recently because they were asked to go back to the office and they worked from home very efficiently. And they said, I can work from the office, their home their office three days a week, but I have a couple small children. I'm efficient. I'm more efficient now than I've ever been. Please, I don't want to come back in the office. And they said, you have to. And she left the company. That's some shortsightedness that I just don't understand. I know some other people disagree with me and say everybody should come back to the office. But if some people have a job, like a housekeeper, front desk person, whatever that needs to be in the office, fine. But if you are a revenue manager can work from home, you gotta work with people. And if you are front office manager that wants to work from home, learn revenue management or learn sales or learn something. I'm a work from the office kind of guy. I love showing up. I much rather fly. For a cup of coffee, then a zoom. I'll get on a plane for four hours and you have a cup of coffee face-to-face. Then I will do a Zoom. I'm that guy, but I understand people, like different things I. Yeah. And I'm glad to see that you are feeling much better and appreciate your sharing. That story with our listeners, as I expected, cuz you and I could talk for days on end. We're gonna run short on time, but I wanna wrap up with two questions. One of the. Questions that I love is advice to our younger selves, and it is because I think we're constantly a work in progress and the beauty of reflection is an important part of our personal growth. So what would Anthony today tell 21 year old Anthony about how things will play out for you? Slow is fast. I would take a page outta my friend Rachel, who's very methodical. Very specific, but moves really fast cause she moves really slow. And I lear I moved really fast and didn't get a lot accomplished early on. If I moved a little slower, I would've moved a lot faster. That's such fascinating advice. I wanna share before we go onto a piece of final advice, you and I share an another similar mantra, which is The only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Mine is a little bit different than that, is I wake up every day trying to be my best Tomorrow, I hope I wake up again, and then I get to learn from whatever I did today and continue to grow and improve. What does that stem from, that personal desire to continue growing, to be a better person each day because we're Floyd. And we've made a lot of mistakes and I've probably not been nice to people early on in my career, and I always probably did a lot of things I shouldn't have done. And I'm a flawed human and if I made a mistake today, I'm gonna try not to make it tomorrow. And in order to move forward, especially as we get older, We've gotta be kinder to ourselves. I, every podcast I end because I was having a very difficult time during the pandemic and even past the pandemic. I was having a very difficult time. And those words of every time I signed off. I said, be kind to yourself. I was really saying it to me. Everybody thinks I'm saying it to them. I'm saying it to me. Every day just now. I said it, I did a prerecord week later and I said, be kind to yourself. I'm really talking to myself. And so we have to be kind to ourselves. And the only thing you can do is like yesterday was yesterday, man, you did the best you could. You did the best you could. And now today you just gotta do better. And you gotta learn from those mistakes. But this perfection doesn't exist. When I get on stage and I talk to people, I always say, I know what the yellow block of cheese looks like. I know what food stamps look like. I know what a struggling mother looks like that's trying to do her best. I know what it's like to hide in the closet because the Con Edison guy's coming. I know those feelings and we can only do our best. So I don't come from, like everything was handed to me and I just come from, and even people that we're handed to, they have to go back and say, okay, I have to now make my own way. So we all have our own struggles. Whether you come from something where you were born on third base or you weren't, we all have our own struggles. And my brother Angela said this to me when we were very little, I'll never forget it. We lost our dad and we had some struggles and he says, put your worries on the worry tree. And then everybody go and pick off the worries they want. You're gonna pick off the same worries that you had cuz you don't want anybody else's worries. And I thought that was brilliant. So if you're trying to do better than you, you were yesterday and you live in gratitude. Your problems, you'll accept them and you'll deal with'em. And you'll and you'll fight through'em. What powerful advice, especially is saying that we're all flawed, cuz that is absolutely the case. Anthony, as we wrap up knowing the motto of d e i advisors to empower personal success, what is one final piece of advice that you would offer to our listeners? Ask the question. Ask the question, whatever it is, ask the question people want to answer. Remember before G ps, and you would go and ask somebody directions and they would spend sometimes 10 minutes giving you directions and they'd go in, there's, grandma's house is down the block and she stops giving you lemonade and then she makes a left. And after that left there's a flag. Oh, you nice I to work at that store with the flag. I used to work there. And then you make a right. And then the gas station I get gas every day and a great coffee in the gas station. They wanna give you directions. People want to help you ask the damn question. I love it. I love it so much. Anthony thank you so much on behalf of myself, on behalf of the hospitality industry, so grateful for your leadership, all that you do, all that you have shared with me. Hold up your book real quick so that people can see, wait, let me find it. I don't if I can find it. There it is, show up by Anthony Melchior, and if you liked what you heard today, we hope you'll turn into d e i advisors.org and hear from over a hundred industry leaders who've shared their personal stories and their insights. You can also stream us from your favorite podcast streaming service. But Anthony, thank you so much. Such a pleasure to visit with you. It's a blessing to know you and I, I love you. Thanks Anthony.