Stacy Silver, President of Silver Hospitality Group, interviewed by David Kong

 Stacy shares her career journey and key factors that contributed to her success. She shares her approach to challenges, and also an example of rebounding from a major setback. We discuss networking, risk-taking and finding inspiration. We also talk about diversity, equity and inclusion in our industry, how we can overcome the "Imposter Syndrome" and "Head Trash". Finally, Stacy offers her advice to her younger self and to our audience.

Transcript

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David Kong 0:03

Greetings. I'm David Kung, the founder and principal of d e Advisors. We are in non-profit organization dedicated to helping women and other underrepresented groups realized their career aspirations. We're delighted to welcome Stacey Silver, the founder and president of Silver Hospitality Group to our shell Today. Stacey is well known and respected in our industry. She has a long track. Of assisting companies with brand launches and supporting companies with key partner relationships. She also does marketing collateral and events for many companies. She has founded several industry conferences and has been recognized as one of the top 30 most influential women in hospitality by Hotel Management Magazine. Welcome to the show, Stacy.

Stacy Silver 0:51

Thank you, David. It's my pleasure to be here and I really appreciate the I the opportunity to share my.

David Kong 0:56

Oh, it's wonderful to have you, Stacy. You've had a very impressive career journey. Can we start with that? Can you share some of the inflection points in your career and some of the key factors that contributed to your success?

Stacy Silver 1:10

David, My career in hospitality was honestly unplanned. Even though I've spent my entire adult life and career in hospitality, the truth is I'm a journalist by trade and I really wanted to be the next Woodward or Bernstein. You remember the journalist who broke the Watergate scandal, The truth is, the real reason I'm here and in hospitality is my dad. I remember being a senior in high school and he got me an internship with a friend He had met riding the train years ago on his commute into New York City. So I guess you would say the reason I'm here is my dad had a good network, That summer job though, turned into a full-time job working with the great Jerry Merkin as he launched hotel business. I was fortunate that Jerry taught me everything he knew and introduced me. everyone he knew. And that was a lot of people it seemed like the entire industry. Jerry Lu taught me the value of being an active listener and the best way to go about sharing my knowledge that I've learned. After leaving hotel business, I joined hotel management and learned more about digital strategy and events. It was a big change for me. Going from an entrepreneurial company to a more corporate environment than a little over 11 years ago, I decided I liked entrepreneurial better and launched Silver Hospitality Group and took everything I learned from both publications and turned that into my business. But honestly, my success is due to everyone who helped me over the years, including you. Pat Ford taught me how to underwrite a hotel on the back of a napkin. John Q. Hammond showed me how to evaluate a site. Jerry Daley was always there with suggestion or advice. I've been fortunate throughout my career to spend time and interview many lodging luminaries I like to call them, who shared both professional and personal advice, including Lee Pillsbury, Marilyn Carlson Nelson, Steven Bollenbach, Paul Nussbaum, Barry Sternick, Henry Silverman, you many others. But I guess if I had to pick one thing, I would say it's the strength of my network, not the size. I do my best to try and keep in touch with everyone in my network, although it is a little cumbersome at times, but even those who have retired, because you never know what life is in store and who comes back at what time.

David Kong 3:25

Well said. And certainly all the individuals that you mentioned are such exceptional and special people. I have great admiration for all of them. Sounds like you benefited from their wisdom and them being formal or informal mentors.. Thanks for sharing that. Let's talk about the challenges as an entrepreneur, especially, I'm sure you had your fair share of challenges. How was your general approach?

Stacy Silver 3:49

So when I first started hotel business back in the early nineties Jerry Merkin gave me a book and the book was called, the Sale Begins When The Customer Says No. That book really stayed with me over the years cuz it taught me that challenges are actually opportunities in different forms. It's really a matter of your perspective. look at challenges in different ways from different perspectives, which is hard, but you have to think of them, as a cube and turning the cube. So you really get to take a step back and realize there's several avenues you can take to overcome whatever life puts in your path. So for example, when I started my company, I know a lot about hospitality, B2B marketing. Not a lot about running a business though. I am creative journalist and I think with that side of the brain. So when you start talking about accounting, taxes, payroll, That was a lot and very difficult, so I did what I knew best. I went out to my network and found those individuals who'd also started their own companies and said, how do you do this? What's the best way to do this? How have you found it works for you? Got a lot of ideas, a lot of suggestions. Took it back and as only I can do, I had lists and my lists had lists, and then decided what was best for me and my situation.

David Kong 5:07

Asking for help is always a good way to approach challenges. Now, you've probably had your first share of setbacks and disappointments may be difficult at a time, but they are also wonderful learning opportunities. Can you share some examples of what you've learned from your Setbacks and disappointments?

Stacy Silver 5:27

So setbacks, disappointments, failure they're a part of life. You can't escape them, you can't hide from them. The only thing I believe you can do is learn from them. So I actually have a funny story, but I won't tell you who it was cuz he's still in the industry and he picks on me every time he sees me about it. But it was a really bad moment when I was working for hotel. a dear friend, sent me a press release and because it came from someone I knew and I was close with, immediately sent to the editors. Big cap types run it priority, right? The good news was they listened. Unfortunately for me it was a joke. Press release. It was not real news. Now it was only on the website for a few hours. But let's just say, by the time I realized it and pulled it down, the damage was already done. The president of the company went ballistic. He realized it wasn't real, and was walking around the office, where did this come from? And I'm like oops. Sorry. Me, and he looked at me, he goes, what? And I kind said, I didn't realize, and it was a humbling. I felt that I took a hit to my reputation, although I think more people laughed at me cuz it was so embarrassing than I, and I did read it. I literally took it. My mistake. You should always read life lesson. Don't just forward, always read and before you hit, send on that email, read it again twice to make sure there's no spelling mistakes, the right person's name, the right company. We all do that. We all make mistakes professionally, personally, I don't think there's a person on this planet who hasn't done it. but you have to take ownership. You have to be honest. You have to be authentic about what happened and what steps you can take in the future to avoid it happening again. Now, it's a funny story, but at the same point, it was honestly a very humbling experience.

David Kong 7:16

I bet you never made a mistake again,

Stacy Silver 7:18

No, I've never made the mistake again. But the gentleman in question definitely looks at me every time and says, have you seen a press release lately? Again, I get to relive it at every conference.

David Kong 7:29

That's very funny. Now we're talking a little bit about networking, how important it is, and he can always lean on your network to assist you in times of challenges. Many people say your network is your net worth for that very reason. you have a very extensive network. I've always been impressed, how did you build that network?

Stacy Silver 7:50

Honestly, just through the years. everybody you meet, you never know where anybody's gonna wind up, where they're gonna be in their career, and you just have to keep in touch with a lot of people and always be open and authentic. I love networking. I love attending conferences, meeting new people. I'm actually teaching a course about networking right now. I don't know if you knew that at Cornell for undergraduate and graduate students. So the best tip I can give people, and I tell my students all the time, is networking is not transactional. There's no quid pro quo. If you're looking for a quid pro quo, you're not gonna be a good networker. It only happens when you're authentic. You have to be yourself. I can't be you, David. You can't be me. We have to be in front of people. We have to be who we truly are. And I think networking just happens. Number two, you have to be present. eye contact. Be in the moment. Don't look at your phone, don't be looking all around the room. Who else is more important? Who can I talk to instead of this person? Stay in the moment. Actively listen and engage. And I think that's really important. I'm gonna say it again. Actively listen, cuz a lot of people don't. We're having conversations, but your mind's going here, your mind's going there. You're not in that moment. Three. I would say use your core competencies. What I mean by that is research. If you're attending a conference, is there an attendee list in advance of who's coming? Who's in the room? Do you have a hit list of who you wanna meet with and what you wanna talk to them about? Cuz if you finally get to meet that person, you don't wanna stumble over your words. You wanna have a clear idea of what you're looking to do and why you think you can help them, or what the case may be. And then the last, which is the hardest one for everyone? It depends. You know the saying, man plans, God laughs. It's really true, especially in networking. You can be the most prepared, but you never know what happens. You finally meet the person you've been dying to meet with for years, and you give them your elevator pitch and they look at you and they go, okay, now, you have to be prepared. You can only prepare yourself and it's just how you handle the reaction. And sometimes people can't handle the fact that what they're saying isn't as interesting as you think it is to others. But it's okay cuz sometimes it's not. You walk at a conference, you say hello to someone, they're in the middle of a meeting. You have to be able to judge that. I've interrupted something. Great seeing you. Let's catch up later. Sorry to interrupt and walk away. there's an art to that. And if you don't do it right, you can hurt a connection. So what I say is plan, prepare, but pivot.

David Kong 10:24

Very well said. And you're selling a pro edit. I observed you from afar, and you are very good. Thank you. It's just very engaging. It takes such interest when people are speaking. You automatically have that connection with people. It's just great. It's a talent in some ways, based on what you said, it's something that everyone can learn too.

Stacy Silver 10:43

It's active listening. You can't ask a follow up question or understand what someone's talking. If you're focused on everything around the room, not what's in front of you.

David Kong 10:53

So true. Thanks for sharing that wisdom. Let's talk about taking risks. All of us have to take risks to broaden the horizon and gain knowledge and you've certainly taken plenty of risk being an entrepreneur. Tell us about your experience.

Stacy Silver 11:06

I guess I would say. I'm sure I've taken a lot of risks, but the benefit of being so young when I started in this industry is I didn't realize it was a risk at the time. I actually think of what I wanna achieve and different ways to reach the goal. I don't look at it necessarily as a risk, even though maybe I should, but more of an opportunity and if it's something that interests me or excites. I'm all in. Sometimes that's not so good, but sometimes it is. I've never been afraid though, to try something. What's the worst gonna happen? It doesn't work. But if it does, that's great. And if it doesn't, then you have to, again, going back, take a step back, look at different options and see if it's worth trying something new.

David Kong 11:50

That's great. Great advice. Thank you. Now, Stacy, you're known the industry as a creative strategist. how do you find inspiration to always be so creative and innovative?

Stacy Silver 12:03

First of all, David, it means so much to me coming from you to call me a creative strategist. That means the world, honestly. I love learning about new things and reading a lot. This helps me come up with new ideas and suggestions for clients to try. Honestly, right now I'm in awe of the possibilities of chat G p T and I went down a rabbit hole, a real rabbit hole for about six, eight hours the other day. The questions you can ask, the things that come back and how human-like the responses are, blew me away. Now, I'm not an expert in chat, G P T or ai. But I am spending time with talking to those who are creating and utilizing these tools because it's something that we're gonna have to learn to adapt and utilize in our industry and how clients innovate and utilize this technology will mean something in the future. So I would say never stop learning. There's always something new on the horizon you can learn and you never know how it plays into something else you're working. So true.

David Kong 13:02

Thanks. Now let's talk about the lack of diversity, equity, and inclusion in C-Suite positions in our industry. I know a lot of industries suffer from the same lack of diversity and equity and inclusion. What's your take on that? I know a lot of companies are doing wonderful things. Hired Marriott, Hilton. I actually all have wonderful programs and they are making a difference. They are making improvements. but why is it our industry has such a lack of diversity and equity, especially in C-Suite possessions? And what's your suggestion on how we can improve it?

Stacy Silver 13:39

So I think I have a unique perspective on hospitality and diviv diversity and inclusion. I started back in the industry in 1992 and David, I am as young as I look. I swear to you. I was, in college then. So true. Think about June, 1990. I walked in, I think we were at the Waldorf Astoria in the ballroom to my first NYU investment conference. And you know what? I saw sea of white men in blue suits, and that's all there was. The only women that I remember being in the room besides me were Melinda Bush, Peggy Burg, Fern Cantor, Dorothy Dowling, and of course Dorothy Jennings. That's it. Everything else was just men in blue suit. While we still have a long way to go, from my perspective walking into Alice a few weeks ago, there were so many women, it was so nice to see. Now there's still obviously not enough diversity on panels, boards, and of course in the C-suites. And as you recognize, a lot of companies are putting good programs into a place. But I would argue that only a few have genuinely made strides. It's a easy to say you have a diversity program. but you have to create diversity at all levels in the organization and you have to do what you say and say what you mean. And while there's a lot of great programs out there, I'm not sure all of them are created equal.

David Kong 15:01

Yeah. So in your opinion, what can be done about that?

Stacy Silver 15:05

I'm not sure. I think, as women, we also hold ourselves back like any group does. Some people fear imposter syndrome. Some people are just not ready to push themselves or don't believe they can do it. But I think, programs like Castell, what you are doing and different things are helping women become empowered. And we're starting to see Julie Aerosmith was just promoted for it to run G six. We're starting to see it slowly. And I do think time is our friend, but I do think it's gonna take more strides both from our vision and as well from the c.

David Kong 15:42

So true. I think it's gonna take the individual's efforts as well as the companies doing wonderful programs. Let's talk about the imposter syndrome that you mentioned. Some of us have that negative feeling that we don't belong, especially when there's a lack of diversity in the setting. How do you overcome the imposter syndrome? We are calling 1992 when you walked into that NYU conference.

Stacy Silver 16:07

So I think I was very fortunate. One, I had a phenomenal mentor and I was never afraid. I was blown away. Think about it being in my early twenties. I got to go to all these conferences. I sat in rooms with senior level executives, and I was so young. Then I'm not sure I fully realized the opportunities that I was afforded. I'm not sure I personally ever felt imposter syndrome because I was in awe of, getting on the plane, going to California, going to Oregon, wherever hotel business would send me in those days. And know, a lot of my friends who had graduated college at the same time as me, were just living a different life. So how did I pull it off? How did I get I don't know, but I wish that luck on everybody graduating college today cuz it was. But I think, you have to really look at yourself and you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say, I can do this. I am capable of doing this. And a lot of times really, as I said before, you know what's holding individuals back is not necessarily external forces, it's internal forces.

David Kong 17:13

So true. And you were saying that as a recent graduate of college and you went to these conferences, you never even felt the imposter syndrome. That speaks to your confidence, right? If you have confidence, you wouldn't feel the imposter syndrome. I

Stacy Silver 17:30

also think it was the fact that it was all men in blue suits, and I was in my early twenties in a dress, but I won't, I won't discount that at all either. It definitely. If you think about it, again, and you've had an lucious career as well, and you've sat in a boardroom with powerful women and a very diverse board that you worked with in a previous life. And I think certain people respect different views and opinions, and you have to find those people who are open to hearing those views and opinions. And when you do, it's much easier

David Kong 18:03

that. That's right. That's why Dorothy Darling always say Hi, boss wisely

Stacy Silver 18:08

Yeah, I agree. I agree. And she did a very good job with you, David

David Kong 18:14

Let's talk about hair trust, which is related to imposter syndrome. All of us have that little negative voice and us telling us that we are not good enough for the world is blamed for problems. When you have those negative thoughts, what do you do to overcome that?

Stacy Silver 18:28

So I talk about this a lot in my networking class, I don't belong here. This person is too important to be speaking with me. You're not good enough. Oh my God, they're gonna notice I have a pimple on my face. Or with students' cases, they're wearing two different socks, which could definitely happen in college. You of just have to push them down and say, I do belong. And honestly, that sits so wonderful about our industry is, when somebody new comes in or when somebody is, looking for advice or inform. We're open. Think about it. I was 20 years old, one of the few women walking into sea level executives, they wanted to hear my perspective. You go back to when DoubleTree Club was announced. And then we had win women on your way. Weston had a program and it was one of those things where the sea level executives are showing it to me before they were launching it. Cause they wanna know what I had to say cuz I was part of their target demographic. And every time you have those meeting, It gives you more confidence. Again, finding the people who are open to those broad ideas gives you confidence. Take notes, hear what you say. You can take those point of views and create your own perspective, but you can utilize, so you and I have a great conversation. I go to another meeting. I was just talking with David Kong from d e I advisors, and he mentioned X, Y, Z. All of a sudden, now you've got some information to share in things. So I think it helps you feel like what you're saying is important, cuz it may not necessarily be your own words, but you're sharing other perspectives that you think someone may respect. If you're not sure they're gonna respect your own, and I know it's difficult, we all have those inner voices, but you have to reflect on the positive and when those feelings start to creep up, you just have to squash 'em down and move forward.

David Kong 20:15

Well said. And I know you, you are always so positive. Just amazing. You have a wonderful attitude. Work-life, harmony. It's so hard to achieve. And you have a demanding job and you also volunteer in so many civic and professional organizations. How do you do it?

Stacy Silver 20:32

So this is a hard one. Work-life harmonies, a fallacy. I don't believe you could achieve it simultaneously. It also means something different for everyone. So I would argue there's days when I'm a much better wife, mother, daughter, and friend, and others when I'm a better colleague, consultant, and business partner. I just don't think the harmony can be achieved at once and some people may disagree and that's okay. I'm a reluctant entrepreneur. I never wanted to start my own company. The true story is I was in Russia on a business trip from Hotel Management Magazine, and my daughter was probably four or five. She's 17 now, by the way, as scary as that sounds. Wow. She was sick. And of course, what does a sick little girl want? her mom. And of course I was halfway around the world with an eight, nine hour time zone difference. I never felt more like a horrible mother than I did that week, cuz talking to her on the phone was hard, and again, you go back and we didn't have FaceTime, we didn't have Zoom, we didn't have all those things, so it made it harder than it is today. That experience changed me. That and several other factors are honestly the reason I started Silver Hospitality Group. I don't want everyone to say starting your own company fixes everything because it certainly doesn't every day is different and you have to prioritize that moment. What's happening in your life? Is it. a soccer game? Is it a recital? Is it a big work project? And I think you have to communicate that not just business-wise, but to your family. Like for this interview, I sent a text out, Hey guys, I'm being interviewed. Don't call me. Don't text. I'm not gonna respond. So you've let people know what's going on, so no one anticipates or expects anything from you in that moment. I guess the best way to think about it, at least in my mind, is a sand. You know when you turn it, you wanna always keep it level. As a little kid, I never wanted too much sand on one side, so you never wanna run out of it, so you keep flipping it back and forth. That's work life harmony to me, always trying to keep that sand balanced.

David Kong 22:35

Very well said Thanks for sharing that Now Stacy, you've come a long way. You. Extremely successful in your, in a line of work. Looking back what's the advice that you offer to your younger self?

Stacy Silver 22:50

Wow, that's a hard one. I guess I would say life is a road and a road is filled with pebbles and rocks and forks and how you go over them changes you. Which fork do you choose? How do you hit that pebble? Do you go full speed? Do you slow down? Do you go around it? There were times that I was worried about following what I thought should be my path, but obviously I'm not writing for the New York Times these days. I wish I knew to appreciate those pebbles, those rocks, those forks, those moments because they shaped me into the person I am today. And if it hadn't been for them, I wouldn't be sitting here with you. And I'm very fortunate because I love what I do, which to me means I'm not really working. I'm having fun every.

David Kong 23:33

That's great, Wonderful. All right, sorry we're coming to the end of the show. Time flies when you're having fun, and I'm wondering if you can offer one last piece of advice for the audience. Our show is about self-empowerment, so do you have any parting advice for the audience?

Stacy Silver 23:52

Never stop learning. To me, that's the most important thing. Innovations are happening daily and you need to understand how those might affect you, your industry. Read everything you can get your hands on, listen, actively listen, engage, and most importantly, don't ever be afraid to help if you don't understand something, the only dumb question is the one not asked in my.

David Kong 24:17

I love that. I'm a strong believer of continuous learning. You have to continue to keep up with things and like you said, technology making things happen so fast, so much that we can learn along the way.

Stacy Silver 24:29

Thanks. Just don't go down, just don't go down a chat, G p t, rabbit Hole. Eight hours of your life and you come back different

David Kong 24:38

Yeah. So true. that's great to have you on our show, Stacy. Appreciate you taking the time.

Stacy Silver 24:45

Thank you so much, David. It's a pleasure being here.

David Kong 24:48

And for our audience if you enjoy this show, I hope you visit our website, d ei advisors.org. We hope to see you there. Thank you again. Bye.